City of Hope
by Maya Phantom
Summary: For most, hope doesn't even exist. One of these people is Elizabeth. Her parents gave her up before she was even a month old, surely there was no reason for her to hope for happiness. At least until she finds one in the form of a blue-eyed Nephilim and a glittery, cat-eyed warlock.
1. Prologue

"Please sign your name here to complete the process."

Anastasia looked up to meet the eyes of the woman. She hesitantly reached forward to grab the pen, her hand shaking.

Looking to her side, she saw her husband nodding encouragingly at her. She sighed and looped her signature on the line next to his, closing her eyes as she did so. She didn't want to look, to see what she had just done.

Taking a deep breath, the young woman opened up her eyes as she handed the clipboard back to the lady without a word. As she took it into her hands, Anastasia could see her signature on the bottom of the paper. Her breath caught and her eyes got hot, tears pooling in the corners.

It was done. She was really doing this. She was giving up her firstborn daughter.

Her husband, Arthur, gave her a smile. One that she couldn't return. She saw his smile drop, sighing as he grabbed the carrier with their week old baby daughter in it. He handed it over to the kind lady, and Anastasia could feel her heart literally breaking in half. The lady saw her face and handed her the child to hold one more time. Anastasia gladly took her into her arms, gazing at the sleeping baby.

Oh, how beautiful her darling daughter was. They had the same dark brown hair and light tan skin tone. The one thing she had inherited from her father was her eye color, a gorgeous grayish-blue.

As she gazed lovingly at her daughter, the one-year olds eyes opened, smiling when she saw her mother. Anastasia smiled back though tears were pricking in the corners of her eyes. She felt a presence behind her and turned to see her husband. He wrapped one arm around her, holding his family and smiling down at his daughter.

"I... I know it's hard, Anastasia, but we're just starting out our career. We can't afford to have a baby right now." She nodded along, knowing he was right but wanting so desperately to just hold onto her darling child forever.

She was only nineteen and he had just turned twenty, they were far too young to even think about having a child. And her career was just taking off, there would be no time for her to properly care for this baby.

If she truly loved her, she would let her go. No matter how much her heart shattered at the thought of it. Because all that mattered to her was that her child was happy. As long as she was happy, Anastasia could be too. Or at least she could try.

"If at anytime you want her back, you can come get her." Anastasia nearly forgot about the woman standing there. She had been so lost in her thoughts that everything except her baby and husband slipped her mind.

The couple nodded grimly, signifying that they understood what she had just said.

Anastasia handed her daughter back over to the lady with shaky arms, a melancholy expression taking over her face.

She knew that they would have to leave now, or they would never be able to.

As soon as Anastasia turned and began walking out of the room, her baby began crying, as if she could sense her mother leaving her forever. Anastasia had to will herself not to turn and take her child back, cradling her delicately and murmuring how much her mother loves her and will never let her go.

But she didn't do that. Instead, she left.

The cries got louder and louder, increasing in volume with every single step that she took away from her.

Anastasia finally allowed one, single tear drop to roll down her cheek as she walked away. Never to see her sweet, beautiful baby again.


	2. Chapter 1

_Just me luck that it rains the one day I have nowhere to sleep..._ I thought to myself as I walked down the damp streets of New York.

I pulled my stolen hoodie around myself even tighter in an attempt to shield myself from the cold biting at my skin. I had planned to sleep at my usual place, but apparently a colony of rats had the same idea.

A loud boom of thunder made me flinch and I started walking even faster.

I looked around and saw some people on the other side of the street. To most it would look like they were making out and trying to set the world record for the most hickeys on your neck. But to me, it was a vampire feasting upon the blood of some unfortunate victim.

Sighing, I continued on my way. Nobody else could see the things that I saw. Not that I expected them to. Most others were normal.

There was really nowhere for me to go. I didn't have a home or a family.

 _I could always go back to the orphanage- No! No, I'm not going back_. _Not now, not ever._

I looked around to see if there was at least an alley or something. At this point, I'll take pretty much anything as long as it's somewhat dry.

"Aha!" I thought to myself as my eyes landed on a small, rundown building. Sure, it wasn't very nice-looking or anything special, but I didn't have any other option.

I walked over to it at a slightly faster pace than before and made it over in no time.

Pushing the door open slowly, I peeked inside, "Hello?" I called.

No response.

I smiled to myself as I opened the door fully and entered. Before I actually went to sleep though, I waited and listened for any rats or anything. Thankfully, there was none. Or at least I didn't hear any. I walked in and made my way over to the staircase, jogging up.

Upstairs was just like downstairs, completely empty. I dropped my backpack onto the floor in the center of the room before sitting down myself. I checked around to make sure that there was no one else inside before lying down and drifting off to sleep.

•~•

I had been asleep for a few hours when I heard a strange noise and immediately woke up.

 _Stupid sensitive hearing..._

There was a faint creak coming from downstairs followed by a low hiss.

I sat up sharply, looking around for the source of the noise.

 _Is something really in the house, or is it just another hallucination?_

I guess it's about time that I told you.

I'm nuts. Mad. Crazy. Psycho. Gone. Over the bend. Bonkers. **_(1)_**

I have all of these weird hallucinations where I see creatures like vampires and werewolves and faeries. And there are these other things too. I'm not sure what they are, but they look human for the most part except for these weird marks all over their arms that look like burns.

It's possible that I got my demented mental state from my biological parents, but I don't know anything about them besides the fact that they gave me up when I was only a week old and that their names were Anastasia and Arthur. That's it. No last names or anything, just first names that could belong to anybody.

Another hiss dragged me out of my thoughts as I heard it increase in volume. Whatever was downstairs was getting closer. I heard the door creak open and froze in fear, my heartbeat accelerating.

Someone was literally coming inside. I needed to leave and now! But how? There was only really one way out and that was through the front door unless I planned on jumping through one of the holes in the wall they call windows.

There were quiet footsteps and I felt goosebumps forming on my skin when it suddenly became eerily silent.

The only thing I could hear for a few seconds was my own thundering heartbeat before an ear-piercing shriek filled my eardrums. It was almost immediately followed by the sound of something zipping through the air.

I couldn't help it, I screamed when I heard that awful hiss just like the dumb person I am.

 _Gosh, Elizabeth. It's no wonder your_ _parents didn't want you. You're such_ _an idiot._

My ears caught the sound of something slithering across the floor when suddenly the door was flung open, flying off its hinges. And standing in the doorway was the ugliest creature I've ever seen.

It's skin was a gruesome gray color and it had long bony limbs. Its entire face was distorted and looked like someone had taken a fork and mushed it all around until it resembled a pile of glop.

It opened what appeared to be its mouth and revealed multiple rows of sharp, pointy looking teeth. The creature roared before rushing towards me.

 _It's not real, it's not real, it's not_ _real. It's only a figment of your damaged_ _imagination._

Despite what I was trying to tell myself, it looked pretty damn real. I've never had such a realistic hallucination before.

I squinted my eyes shut and turned away, waiting for the awful vision to pass.

The sound of another object piercing through the air and making contact with something caused me to turn back and open my eyes.

When my vision was no longer blocked by my eyelids, I saw a tall man standing there. His skin was pale and he had black hair and blue eyes. He was dressed all in black leather and had a quiver slung over his shoulder. I noticed he had similar marks on his arms as some of the other people I've seen and realized he too was part of my hallucination. He seized another arrow from his quiver and loaded into his bow, aiming at the creature who already had one lodged into its shoulder.

The thing hissed at him as he fired again, hitting the creature square in the chest. It fell backwards, thick, inky black liquid flowing from where it had been attacked before it exploded into black dust.

Aftera few seconds had passed, the man noticed me sitting in the corner, his eyes widening when he realized I was staring right back at him.

The shocked look on his face was the last thing I saw before everything went black.

•~•

(1) Refernece to "Mad Hatter" by Melanie Martinez


	3. Chapter 2

I could hear people talking around me, but I couldn't focus my hearing enough to actually understand what was being said.

Slowly, my eyelids fluttered open, taking in my surroundings though they all seemed a bit blurry before the world came into focus.

I was... In a home?

I was in a home!

 _Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god... Where am I?_

I shot up sharply from the couch I was laying on and immediately wished that I hadn't, earning a sharp pain in my head. Whoever it was talking must've heard me get up because two men rushed over to me immediately.

"Where am I? Who are you? Why am I here?" I rushed out in one breath.

"It's okay. We're not going to hurt you. I'm Magnus and this is my boyfriend Alec. Alec saw you faint and brought you here. You're at our apartment." I then noticed that one of the med was the person I saw in the abandoned building. And the other guy was a tall man with tanned skin, black hair coated with rainbow colored glitter, and glowing yellow-green cat like eyes.

I nodded at the information, but I was still scared.

 _This is probably just another hallucination or something. None of it is_ _real, don't be afraid._

"What's your name?" The tanned one, or Magnus I think, said.

"E-Elizabeth." I answered.

"And are you okay, Elizabeth?" His car like eyes were staring at me in concern, an emotion I've never really seen before.

"My head hurts, but I'm fine." I answered, holding my hand up to my forehead. He waved his hand about and blue wisps of air surrounded it as my pain began to ease up.

Had he just healed me? With magic?

I blinked slowly, staring in confusion at him.

"You look like you've never seen a warlock do magic before." Magnus chuckled at my obvious amazement.

"No, I haven't. Because warlocks aren't real." I say.

This time he gave me the confused look.

"But... You're a Shadowhunter." He said.

"A what?" I asked. What in the world is he talking about?

"Oh, no. Not another Clary." The other mumbled. I believe Magnus said his name was Alec?

 _No, don't learn their names! These are obviously crazy people! Crazier than you!_

"Listen, you're a part of the Shadow World. A world populated by creatures like vampires, werewolves, faeries, demons, warlocks, and Shadowhunters. And you are a Shadowhunter." Alec said.

"Do you think I'm insane?" I asked.

 _Well, technically..._

"There's no way any of that stuff is real. It's all make believe!" I yell.

"Dad? Papa? What's all the yelling about?" A voice asked. Two boys walked into the room, one looked about a year older than me and the other looked a year younger.

The older one had tan skin, black hair, and dark brown eyes. A few marks similar to Alec's were on his arms, but not as many.

I turned to look at the other one and my eyes immediately widened.

"You're blue!" I shouted, jumping up from the couch.

His hair, skin, and eyes were all blue!

Everyone just stared at me like I had pointed out the obvious. Were they not concerned that this child was freaking bright blue? And were those horns?

"Um, yeah. It's kind of my warlock mark." He said, looking at me like I just said the earth was flat.

"Okay, this is weird. I'm leaving." I say, getting up to leave.

"Wait!" Alec calls. "I know that this all seems weird, but it's true. You are a part of this world. You have the sight, that's why you could see me." He said.

"Do you ever see really strange things?"

My eyes widened at that. He knew about my hallucinations.

They all looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to answer the question even though I'm pretty sure they all knew the answer.

"Do you?" He pressed.

"Okay, fine. Maybe I do. That doesn't prove anything other than the fact that I'm crazy." I shout.

"You are not crazy. This is all real." Magnus said.

I stared at them. It did explain a few things I guess.

I did see weird things that looked like the creatures he'd mentioned. And I'd always felt very out of place with everyone. Not to mention some weird abilities I seem to have.

 _No, Elizabeth! This is not real! Don't believe them!_

 _But... What other explanation is there?_

"Fine. Let's pretend all of this is real. How do you know I'm a Shadowcatcher?"

"Shadow _hunter_." Alec corrected.

"Whatever." I retorted.

"How else could you see all of this? All Shadowhunters have an inner eye that gives them the ability to see what no mundane can." He explained.

I didn't answer, it did make sense but I wanted more proof.

As if he could read my mind, Alec rolled his eyes and pulled something out of his back pocket. It looked like a wand or something and he held it to his arm. As the thing hovered across his skin, marks began appearing on his arm.

My eyes widened at the sight. Was he burning himself? And what the heck did he just engrave into his skin? It looked like hieroglyphics or something.

"What was that?" I asked.

"It's called a stele. We use them to create runes." He said, putting the object back into his pocket.

"Convinced?" He asked.

I nodded slowly. Why not? After all of this, I can't exactly deny it.

"Good. Now here." Magnus said, handing me something.

"What are these?" I said, staring at it.

"They're some clothes for you to sleep in. You can change in the bathroom." Magnus said nonchalantly.

"What? I can't just stay here. I don't even know you." I say.

"Well, I don't know where else you can go. The Clave won't let you stay there and I'm not comfortable with allowing a twelve year old-"

"Thirteen." I interrupted.

"Thirteen year old sleep in some old building." He finished. "Besides, you can't really tell because of a spell I used, but you're injured. You're not well enough to go out on your own."

At this, I stayed quiet and accepted the clothes. "Where's the bathroom?" I sighed.

All four pointed me towards it and I walked over. They all began talking the second I was gone, but I didn't really care.

I closed the bathroom door shut and slipped on the t-shirt and sweats. They were actually comfy and much better than the dirty jeans and hoodie I was wearing before.

I stepped out of the bathroom once I was done and walked back into the living room, everyone immediately quieting.

"Where do I sleep?"

"You will be staying in the guest room. It's right over here." Magnus said as he walked over to me and led me through the hallway.

I stayed silent, not knowing what to say.

He stopped in front of a door and opened it up for me. "You can put your stuff in here for now. Dinner's almost ready if you're hungry." And with that, he walked away.

I sat on the bed, letting my backpack drop to the floor beside me. Falling back against the mattress, I sighed and covered my face with my hands.

 _I cannot believe this is happening._

This whole thing was still confusing to me? Was there really some other world I'm a part of that I never even knew about?

Should I really believe some random strangers? For all I know, they're kidnappers and want to murder me!

 _Take a deep breath, Elizabeth. You need to calm down._

Obeying myself, I inhaled and exhaled deeply. Immediately, I felt a whole lot calmer.

"There's no need to freak out. It's most likely that this is another hallucination and they're not real." I told myself.

 _Besides, what would they even want with you? You're just some crazy st_ r _eet rat with no value whatsoever._

The thought made me cringe, but I knew it was true. No one wants me. Not even my own parents.

I don't know how long I had been laying there, putting myself down but a soft knock dragged me out of my thoughts.

I lifted my head up slightly to see the tanned boy standing at the door, "Hey, dinners ready." He said before he left for the kitchen.

I stood up from the bed and followed him. He took a seat at the dinner table as Magnus set a plate in front of him.

Everyone looked up at me in silence once they noticed me. Awkwardly, I looked down and cursed my hair for being too short to cover my face.

"Oh, hello. You can sit here next to Max." Magnus said, breaking the silence.

"Who?" I asked. As soon as I said it, the blue boys hand went up. Nodding slightly in acknowledgement, I sat down in the chair next to him.

Everyone was seated by now and eating the delicious looking pasta Magnus had whipped up.

My eyes widened the second it touched my tongue. I'd never had a meal like this before! Back at the orphanage, all of the food was simple and on the streets I was lucky to even eat at all!

But this? This was absolutely amazing!

I began shoveling the food into my mouth greedily, forgetting about all of the people around me until I heard a soft chuckle.

I looked up mid-bite to see Magnus grinning at me, "I'm guessing it's good?" He joked.

I quickly raised my hand to wipe some sauce off the corner of my mouth and rested my hands in my lap and looking down to hide my blazing red face.

 _Stupid, Elizabeth! They probably think you're_ _a pig now!_

"Y-yeah. It's good." Magnus laughed again and went back to his meal.

"So what's your name?" I turned to my side to see Max staring at me with large, friendly eyes. They were sparkling with excitement as he smiled at me.

"I'm Elizabeth." I answered quietly, twirling the pasta around on my fork.

"I'm Max, but you already know that, and this is my brother Rafael." He said, gesturing to the other boy.

I nodded at this, finally bringing a small spoonful to my lips again. When I brought my eyes up to see everyone, I could feel them narrow in annoyance. They were eating their own food, but every now and then they would sneak a glance at me ever so subtlety. Or at least they thought it was subtle.

"Okay, I get it. I'm some weird girl you guys picked up off the street. But I'm not a circus animal so can you please stop staring at me like I am one?" I snapped.

They all looked a little surprised with my little outburst.

"Sorry, it's just not very often you find a girl who didn't know she was a Shadowhunter." Alec replied.

"Yeah, how could you not know? Didn't your parents ever tell you or something?" Max asked.

Immediately, the table fell silent. Everyone stared at me, waiting for my response.

I felt my eyes glazing over slightly but I willed myself not to cry in front of these strangers.

 _Stop looking weak, Elizabeth! You're gonna_ _make yourself seem more pathetic than you_ _already are!_

"I never knew my parents. They put me up for adoption when I was a baby." I answered in what I hoped was a nonchalant voice.

"My parents did the same too! Or at least my other ones did." Max said, casting a large smile at Alec and Magnus at the last part which they returned.

"They kind of just left me at the doorstep of the Institute." He shrugged.

 _How can he say that like he doesn't care? Doesn't he wonder what was wrong with him that his parents didn't want him?_

"Oh." Was all I said. I didn't want to overstep any boundaries.

"Yeah, practically all of us have some sort of sob story about our parents. It's kind of like our thing." Magnus waved it off without a care in the world.

"My mom hanged herself because she didn't want me and my dad tried to drown me."

"What?" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, but I've mostly made peace with it by now. Especially because of Alexander." As he said this, he cast a loving glance at Alec who blushed and smiled back at him.

 _Wait, are they... Together?_

I rewinded my brain a bit and remembered Magnus referring to Alec as his boyfriend. I wanted to confirm my suspicions but I didn't have to as Magnus leaned over and gave Alec a small peck on the cheek.

I couldn't help it, I smiled at the exchange. Max and Rafael were too. Then, a thought occurred to me.

"Are you guys married?"

They both tore their gazes away from each other to look at me. While Magnus was beaming brightly, Alec was blushing with a shy smile.

"Not yet." Was Magnus' quick reply.

"Oh, I just thought you were. I mean, you already have kids. They are your kids right?" I asked, glancing at Rafael and Max.

 _Stop assuming and being nosy! Keep your_ _nose out of their personal lives!_

"Yeah, we found Rafael when he was about five and Max as a baby." Alec said, smiling at his two sons.

 _I want someone to smile at me like that. Like_ _they really care about me..._

"Elizabeth, are you okay?" Max asked.

I didn't even realize that tears were starting to form in my eyes. Quickly, I brought up my hand to wipe them away.

"I'm sorry. My eyes are just bugging me a bit." I lied.

"Are you sure?" Rafael looked like he didn't believe me, then again none of them did.

"I'll be fine." They stopped pressing, but I could tell they were still concerned.

Eventually, we all finished eating and we were all heading to bed. Magnus had handed me some toiletries and told me that we would talk in the morning.

I brushed my teeth which I had never been able to do much on the streets. All I had was rinsing them out as much as I could and sometimes managing to steal some mouthwash or gum.

It felt refreshing to scrub most of the plaque off of my teeth. They weren't exactly clean, but they at least looked capable of getting better.

After that, I walked back to the room I had been given and lied down on the bed. Magnus and Alec were in their room a few doors down from mine-

 _No, not yours. You're just staying for a few days._

Anyways, they were talking in hushed whispers I couldn't understand even though I already knew they were talking about me. Didn't take a genius to figure it out.

Sighing, I got settled underneath the thick blanket I had been given. It was so warm and comfortable! I'd never slept in such a nice bed before.

It wasn't too long before the softness and warmth of the bed lulled me to sleep.

•~•

 ** _Sorry, that's the end of the chapter folks! I know it wasn't very good but I tried! I'll try my best to update soon!_**


	4. Chapter 3

"Elizabeth?"

 _What? Who's calling me?_

I looked around me and saw nothing. My eyebrow raised as I began walking, looking for something, anything.

"Elizabeth?"

"Who's there?" I shouted into empty air.

No answer. Chills were running down my spine as I kept walking.

"Elizabeth?"

"Who the hell is calling me?!" I shout, my hands turning to fists and my eyes squeezing shut in irritation.

When I opened them, I saw large faces surrounding me. I recognized some of them as a few of the other kids at the orphanage and some of the families that had adopted me for about three days before returning me.

They were all smirking at me with this evil gleam in their eye.

"W-what do you want?" I stutter.

 _Damnit, Elizabeth! At least pretend you're not weak!_

I fixed my face into what I hoped was an intimidating glare.

They all laughed at me, a grating heartless noise. I had to resist the urge to cover my ears, I couldn't let them know that they were affecting me.

"I asked you a question." I growl through grit teeth. They laughed even louder, causing me to cringe.

One of them, an incredibly snobby girl who had harassed me at school when I was younger, got closer to me. Instantly, I cowered back as my eyes widened in fear.

"Still pathetic, aren't we?" She sneered. I made no comment, but narrowed my eyes. "And you've only gotten worse since I last saw you. You would think you'd improve with time, but sadly you haven't."

The words cut me like a knife.

No. Worse than a knife. Harming yourself somehow made you feel better. What this girl was saying was making me feel worse.

 _Stop letting her affect you! She doesn't mean anything to you so why do you care so much what she thinks of you?_

"I see your mental state hasn't gotten better either. Still seeing vampires and talking to yourself?" She gave her a fake concerned look before returning to her smirk.

I stayed silent, no matter how much I hated her speaking to me this way, I was not a liar!

"Don't you have anything to say? Or have you finally come to terms with the fact that nobody wants you?"

My eyes widened and glazed over with unshed tears. Those words, they were the ones that cut the deepest.

"No, you're wrong! Somebody does want me!" I protested. I didn't care if there was no evidence to back up what I had just said. No way was I going to let her say that!

"Oh, please. If that were true, you wouldn't have had to run away from the orphanage. Someone would've adopted you. In fact, your parents wouldn't have left you there. They would've kept you!"

"That's not true! You don't know what you're talking about!" I cried out. The tears were streaming fiercely down my face by now, I could feel them sliding down my cheeks.

She laughed again though it was more of a cackle considering how much of a witch she was.

The stupid ringing laughter was inside of my head, engraving itself into my brain. I brought my hands up to cover my ears in an attempt to make it go away. Instead, it got even louder.

"Shut up!" I screeched, falling to my knees as I squeezed my eyes shut.

She didn't listen, she kept laughing. The others joined in, their maniacal laughter pounding in my eardrums. The tears were much more prominent now, and I was sobbing loudly.

"Please stop! Please!" I begged.

Why wouldn't they listen? Why does nobody care?

Shoving my hands into my scalp and pulling at my hair, I lifted my head to the sky and shrieked loudly.

•~•

An ear piercing shriek filled the otherwise silent morning as I shot up from the bed.

I immediately began panicking when I didn't recognize my surroundings.

 _Where am I?_

The memories of last night came crashing back to me as I calmed down.

I was at Alec and Magnus' place. They let me stay the night.

I was breathing heavily and felt beads of sweat bordering my forehead. My hand reached up to cradle my head which was throbbing slightly. The pain was bearable, as it was only a small ache.

The pattering of hurried footsteps caught my attention as I looked to the door.

Magnus, Rafael, Max, and Alec were all standing there staring at me. I stared back and felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to concern you." I apologized, looking down.

"Are you okay?" Rafael asked as he stared at me with concern.

"I'm fine. Just a nightmare." I assured him, swinging my legs over the side of the bed and removing the blankets.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Max asked as he sat on the bed next to me.

His offer shocked me. He wanted to listen to me complain about a dream I had?

"That's okay." I declined, he frowned at this. "I'll be just fine."

"No, you won't." Alec said, giving me a look that was a cross between concern and stern. My eyes narrowed in irritation. Who did he think he was?

"I'm pretty sure I know how I feel." I say through grit teeth.

"And I'm pretty sure you don't. Bottling things up isn't healthy. I know it sounds cheesy, but talking about it will make you feel better." He said.

I rolled my eyes and turned to face all of them. "Fine. If you wanna know so badly, it was just a nightmare about this girl who used to bully me. She was telling my stuff about my biological parents not wanting me." I huffed as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Wow, sounds like a bitch." Magnus said, casually leaning against the doorframe.

"Tell me about it." I say back. "She would tell me things like that all the time and how no one would ever want me because I was crazy. And what was sad was that I believed her! For a while, I really thought everything she would say to me was true. Isn't that stupid?"

"Feel better now?" Alec asked while Magnus chuckled.

"What?" I ask. Feel better about what?

"Talking about it." He replied casually. I gave him a shocked look. I did feel better. Normally, I had no one to talk to and would spend the whole day mulling over it myself, making myself feel even worse.

"Maybe." I mumbled childishly.

They all shook their heads at my stubbornness and grinned.

"Are you okay with having pancakes for breakfast?" Alec asked me.

"Yeah, that sounds good." I nodded at him as he left the room, Magnus walking after him.

"They'll be done in a little while." He called from the hallway.

Only Rafael and Max were in the room with me now. I stared at them awkwardly, what was I supposed to say?

"I have some clothes you can change into later on if you want. They're in my room." Max said.

"Sure, thanks." I smiled at him gratefully.

"Cool. I'll go get them for you right now." He said as he stood up and left the room, leaving only Rafael.

We sat together in silence for a bit. He was staring at me intensely, like he was analyzing my entire existence.

"Um... Did you want something?" I asked him after a while.

"Yeah, to talk." He said, sitting in the same spot Max had occupied just a few minutes ago.

"Talk? About what?" I asked, staring at him in confusion.

"Before Alec and Magnus found me, I used to think I was crazy too. I know how it feels and I want you to know that even though we just met, you can talk to me." He smiled warmly at me before he stood and left.

I sat there, blinking slowly at him as he left while Max came in and sat the pile of clothes on the end of the bed.

Why do they all care so much about me?

•~•

Alec hadn't been kidding when he said the pancakes wouldn't take long. It had only been about twenty minutes before he called everyone to the kitchen and served us all plates of blueberry pancakes.

Of course, they were absolutely delicious. Damnit, if they kept all of this up, I was gonna have a hard time leaving.

I froze in place as that last word of my thought circled my head.

 _Leave._

I had almost forgotten. At some point, I would have to go. This wasn't my home, I'm only staying for a day or two before I'm on my way.

"Elizabeth, you okay?" A blue hand was waving in front of my face.

I blinked a few times before shaking my head, trying to come back from my thoughts. "Yeah. Just thinking."

"You looked like you saw a ghost or something." He chuckled softly before going back to his pancakes.

We had all finished up with breakfast and Max had given me the clothes he had promised while Magnus handed me a towel and some other essentials before ushering me to the bathroom to shower.

After a few minutes of trying to figure out how it worked, **_(don't lie. We all do this when we go to a friends house)_** I stepped under the warm water and allowed myself to relax.

I scrubbed roughly at my skin, trying to clean off all the dirt and grime. It took a while, but I finally deemed it acceptable and then moved onto my hair. It felt so greasy and disgusting before I lathered some expensive looking shampoo into my locks. As I rinsed it off, the water became tinted slightly gray. I grimaced at that before giving my entire a body a quick second wash before finally stepping out of the shower. I wrapped the towel around myself and ran my fingers through my hair to work out a few knots.

I had brought Max's clothes with me into the bathroom so I wouldn't have to walk outside to change and possibly run into any awkward situations.

The outfit was pretty simple, just a dark blue shirt and some gray sweatpants. Thankfully, I hadn't had to ask and Magnus had proofed up some underwear for me. It would've been so embarrassing if he hadn't.

I stepped out of the bathroom feeling much better then when I had entered. When I exit, I heard voices coming from the living room. Four of them I recognized as Alec, Magnus, Rafael, and Max but there was a whole handful of others.

Curiously, I walked out into the room and immediately everything went silent and all eyes were on me. There were some new people I had never seen before now standing with the family.

"Um, hi?"

One lady who looked a bit like Alec smiled at me.

"When you guys said there was an emergency and to come as soon as we could, I didn't think you meant there was a thirteen year old girl here." She chuckled as she walked over to me.

"Hi, I'm Izzy, Alec's sister. This is my husband Simon and my two kids, Christian and Stephen." She said as she pointed out three males who waved at me. I waved back slightly at them with a small smile.

"And that's Jace and his wife Clary and their kids." She said as she directed my attention to a blonde guy and red head woman. Standing beside them were two little boys, one was blonde and the other had red hair.

"It's great to meet you." Jace and Clary said as the two boys smiled. There was another blonde girl who was smiling at me happily.

"Hey, I'm Victoria." The blonde greeted, I nodded at this as I allowed all the names to sink in. I stood there, shuffling my feet awkwardly and shoving my hands into my pockets.

Everyone just looked at me expectantly. It took a few tries, but I found my voice.

"I-I'm Elizabeth." I say, rubbing my arm nervously.

Clary walked over to me and gave me a sweet smile.

"Hi, sweetie. Magnus called us last night and told us about you. Me and Izzy brought you some clothes for you to wear." She said, taking a bundle out of her purse. She handed them to me and I smiled at her gratefully as I walked over to my temporary room to change. Izzy, Clary, and Victoria came with and waited outside of the door.

I folded up the clothes Max had given me and mentally promised to give them back later on. The new outfit consisted of a black long sleeve top, some jean shorts, and a pair of converse. They had also brought me a bra that was a bit too big, but it was something. I slipped it all on quickly before stepping out to see Izzy holding up a comb with an excited smile and crazy gleam in her eye.

Before I could even register what was happening, Izzy practically pounced on me and began weaving the comb through my short hair. I could tell she was struggling with all the knots but eventually, she had finished. As a final touch, she placed a black headband in it.

"There. All done." She cheered excitedly, clapping her hands. Clary and Victoria smiled and voiced their approval, causing me to blush.

"Ooh, I haven't had this much fun since we first met Clary." Izzy said, walking in a circle around me to see if everything looked alright.

We walked back out to the living room and Magnus smiled at my newly made-over self. Everyone nodded at me and I blushed. I wasn't used to so many people giving me positive attention.

"I knew they would take great care of you." Magnus said, high-fiving Izzy. "You look great." He complimented.

"Thank you." I smiled back.

 _Stop it! Don't get attached!_

I shook my head slightly to focus my thoughts, but smiled quickly to cover it up.

"Okay, so I know she's already introduced herself but this is Elizabeth, guy's. Elizabeth, this is my family." Alec said, gesturing to the people in the room.

I waved shyly at them despite having already met them. They all smiled at me and I felt a bit of my worries melt away.

"Well, Magnus didn't tell us everything so what exactly happened last night?" Simon asked.

Everyone then looked at me, waiting for my answer.

"Well, I'm not entirely sure myself. All I know is I was sleeping somewhere when this really ugly thing came and it was about to attack me when Alec showed up and killed it. I think I fainted and then I was here." I explain.

"When I woke up, Magnus and Alec told me that I was a Shadow whatever and that I would stay for the night and then we ate dinner and went to sleep."

"Wait. Go back, a demon attacked you? Are you okay?" Clary asked in concern.

"Yeah, I don't think it hurt me." I said.

"Well, actually on the way home a forsaken attacked us. You were just unconscious but it did scratch your leg. Magnus used magic to lessen the pain, but it's there." Alec informed me. I looked down at my legs and saw that on the inner side of my left calf, there was a long scratch. It didn't look very deep, but it still looked like pretty bad.

I reached down and pressed my fingers to it and hissed as I immediately drew back my hand. There was a stinging pain in my leg now.

"I thought he used a spell or something." I complained as I sat on the couch and held my leg to my chest.

"Yeah, but that was last night. This is the morning." Alec responded.

I sighed and cradled my injured leg. It was just a scratch so why did it hurt so bad?

"Luckily, I killed it before it could do worse. But it's still a scratch from a forsaken. It'll hurt really bad for a little while, but in a few days you'll be fine." He shrugged.

 _A few days? I couldn't stay here for a few more days! I have to leave as soon as possible or I won't want to!_

"What? But I can't stay that long! I have to leave like tonight or tomorrow!" I objected, shooting up from the couch to stand. My leg screamed in pain, but I ignored it.

"No way are you leaving tonight. You need to heal before you go anywhere. And besides, where will you go?" Magnus asked me.

"I don't know, but you shouldn't be concerned. It's not like we're connected in anyway. Why do you care?" I snap.

I knew I was being ungrateful, but I couldn't help it. He can't tell me what to do!

"I care because I'm not heartless. And you are going to stay at least until you've healed." Magnus said, his yellow green eyes narrowing at me.

I narrowed mine back and we stared at each other, daring the other to give up. His eyes hardened and I did the same.

Magnus clearly wasn't giving up, but I could feel my own gaze wavering. Finally, I gave in and looked away.

"Fine! I won't go until my leg is okay. But after that, I'm leaving!" I huff.

"I win." Magnus smiled happily, holding up a hand behind him for Jace to high five him.

"Now let's go. We're going to the park." Magnus said. He leaned over to grab his jacket off of the couch.

"What?" I asked.

"We're going to the park." He repeated.

"I heard what you said, but why?"

"Well, we always go to the park on Saturday, but we usually go in the afternoon, not the morning. But since everyone is already here, why not just go now?"

"But isn't it like a family thing?"

"Um, yeah." He said, giving me a confused look.

"Then why am I going?" I pointed at myself as I said this.

Why does he want me there? Doesn't he want to spend some quality time with his family?

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I'm not a part of your family. I don't want to intrude." I say.

"Nonsense! Of course you're going! Come on." He says as he grabs my hand and walks me out the door with everyone in tow.

He doesn't let go of me until we're outside of his apartment complex. Sighing, I decide not to argue with and just walk with them.

It wasn't a very long trip, only taking about five minutes to get there.

Once we arrived, Clary and Izzy set up a few blankets for us to sit on while Jace and Simon immediately grabbed a football and jogged onto the grass to play with their sons. Magnus chuckled as he and Alec sat with Izzy and Clary, Victoria running off to go play with the guys.

The adults were all chatting as I just sat there. What was I supposed to do?

Why did Magnus insist on me coming? I don't really know any of these people, what was the point of my being here? It's not that I didn't want to be around them, they seemed like really nice people. I just didn't belong with them, I was meant to be forever alone.

I allowed my brain to run on auto-pilot, drowning myself in my thoughts as some sort of distraction.

Suddenly, I saw a soccer ball fly through the air and land near my feet. I heard someone call out to me and looked up to see some guy about my age but maybe a year older.

I grabbed the ball and headed over to him as he jogged up to meet me halfway.

"Here you go." I say as I hand it to him.

"Thanks." He says as I say a quick "You're welcome" before turning to walk away.

"Wait." He calls, making me turn around. "Yeah?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"What's your name?" He asks.

"Elizabeth. Yours?" I reply.

"I'm Ashton." I nod as he says this.

"So what's a pretty thing like you doing here at the park all alone?" He asks, giving me a confident smirk.

 _Is he... Is he trying to flirt with me? Eh, why not go with it. I've got nothing_ _better to do._

"Just here to be here I guess." I respond. "What about you?" I ask.

"I'm just here with some friends."

"That's cool." I say.

"It would be cooler if I could get your number." He says.

 _Oh, God. He's not very good at this._

I raise an eyebrow at him and smirk. "Oh, really?" I ask, laughing at his attempt to get my number.

"Yeah, so how about it?" He asks.

"Sorry. Don't have a phone and even if I did, I wouldn't just give my number to some guy I've known for thirty seconds." I say as I turn to walk away. He grabs my wrist and turns me back around.

"Hey, don't leave so soon." He says as I try to shake off his arm. Unfortunately for me, he has a really strong grip.

"Let go of me, you jerk!" I snap, trying to pull myself away from him.

"No need for name calling, babe." He chuckles, pulling me even closer to him so we were practically flush against each other. I use my free hand to push at his chest.

"Don't call me babe." I growl at him through grit teeth as I glare at him. I had managed to put some space between us, but he still kept a hold of my left wrist.

"Ooh, feisty. I like it." He says, using his other arm to wrap around my waist and pulling me to him again. I yelped when his hand traveled lower and squeezed, my face flushing in anger and embarrassment.

"You perve!" I yell, finally shoving him away.

"Don't be like that. I know you liked it." He winked at me and I cringed in disgust.

"Whatever." I roll my eyes and move to leave when he grabs both of my wrists. He pins my arms to my sides and forces me back to him.

"Where do you think you're going?" He says, his breath fanning over my face. I try to squirm out of his grasp, but it doesn't work.

 _Goddamnit, Elizabeth! You should've seen this coming! You're so stupid!_

"If you don't get away from me right now-"

"What?" He asked mockingly. "You gonna cry?" He faked a pouty face at me and laughed as my eyes widened.

What was I gonna do? He kinda had both of my arms and there was no one here to help me.

"Don't worry, babe. I'll take care of you." He says as leans forward to kiss me. I lean away from him and close my eyes as his face gets way too close too mine for my liking.

"Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

My eyes snap open and so do Ashton's as I turn to see everyone walking over to us. Jace, Rafael, and Christian stood in front and had pissed off expressions on their faces.

"Relax, dudes. Just trying to get a little action." Ashton chuckled. "Tell 'em, babe." I shuddered in disgust and tried again to pry him off of me only for him to pull me closer.

"Get your hands off of her. Or else." Jace threatens, shooting a death glare at the guy.

"Or else what?" Ashton gave him a challenging look.

"Or else this." Christian said as he stepped forward, grabbed my arm and tugged me away from the jerk, and punched Ashton square in the jaw. All in like, two seconds.

Ashton stumbled back and held his hand up to his jaw and glared at Christian. "Wow, can't even handle your own fights. Gotta get your brother to help you. Pathetic bitch." He spat before walking away.

Everyone's glares softened as they turned to me with concerned looks.

"Are you okay?" Christian asked.

"Ugh, what's wrong with you?" I yelled at him.

"What are you talking about? I just helped you!" He snapped back.

"I don't need your help! I'm not some stupid girl who can't take care of herself. I had the whole thing under control." I shouted.

"Yeah, I could tell." He snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Whatever. I'm leaving." I say as I storm off angrily.

They were all calling after me and telling me to come back, but I didn't listen. When I heard their footsteps, I broke out into a sprint and took off from the park.

I wasn't sure exactly where I was going, but I did know that I wanted it to be far away from here.

I ran across and down the street until I finally stopped, leaning against the wall of some store to catch my breath.

Slumping to the floor, I closed my eyes and covered my face with my hands.

 _"Can't even handle your own fights. Gotta_ _get your brother to help you. Pathetic bitch!"_

The words kept swirling around and around in my head. Over and over and over.

 _He doesn't even have to know me to tell that I'm some stupid, worthless girl. Why couldn't I have handled that myself? If Christian hadn't stepped in,_ _that jerk would still have me right now! I'm_ _such a loser!_

More stupid tears sprang from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks as my shoulders shook from my sobs.

 _And you're a total crybaby! Get a grip!_

But I couldn't stop. I just sat there on the sidewalk, crying my heart out for all to see. You would think that with how much I cry, I would be out of tears by now. But noooo. I always have more the next time someone hurts my feelings.

I'm not sure how long I sat there, but I felt a soft tap on my shoulder and my body tensed up. I lowered my hands and looked up to see Max looking down at me with sympathetic eyes.

I didn't say anything and he didn't either. It was like that for a while before I became annoyed with the silence.

"What?! Come here to make fun of me?!" I snapped at him, shaking his hand off of my shoulder.

He didn't say anything and just kneeled down before he enveloped me in a hug. I gasped at his actions and stood still for a few moments before I wrapped my arms around him and buried my head into his shoulder, curling up into him. I was sobbing harder than before into his shoulder as he pat my hair soothingly.

"It's okay, Elizabeth. It's okay." He murmured. Eventually, my cries slowed into soft sniffles. I pulled away slightly, rubbing my nose.

"T-thanks, Max." I say.

"You're welcome." He smiled at me and I returned it slightly as I pulled away from him.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been mad at you guys. You were only trying to help." I apologize, looking down in shame as I hugged my knees to my chest.

"That's okay. Let's just go back to the park." He said, standing up and holding out his hand.

It was after I grabbed it that I realized his skin and was no longer blue. His horns were gone as well.

"What happened to you?" I ask, startled.

"Oh, this? Surprised it took you this long to notice." He chuckled, holding up his arm and looking at it. "I just used a glamour to make myself look like a regular human. We all do that whenever we go out somewhere with mundanes." He said as we walked back towards the park.

I tried to stretch the trip out as much as possible. Everyone was probably really mad at me and hated me and they didn't want me to stay with them anymore.

 _You've screwed everything up for them! They were trying to have a nice time as a family and instead they're spending their morning being worried about you!_

Once we reached the gates of the park, I saw them all standing there. Max walked right over to them while I stood there, not moving an inch.

Taking a deep breath, I walked over to Christian.

"I'm sorry about what I said and thank you for your help. I really appreciate it." I say, looking away from him. He smiled at this, "You're welcome. Just be careful next time."

"I will." I promise before turning to look at the rest.

"And I'm really sorry about snapping. It was uncalled for and I was acting like a brat. I guess I'm just used to no one caring about me. Anyone else would've let that guy do whatever he wanted to me." I kicked at a few rocks that were in front of me.

"Well, that's not the case anymore. None of us are going to let you get hurt." Jace assured me.

 _Does he mean that? He wants to help me?_

"Thank you." I say quietly.

"Well, this is getting way too sentimental and a bit awkward for my liking." Stephen said. He had a goofy smile on his face as he stepped forward.

"Let's head back to the park and away from all this gloominess." He said, grabbing my wrist and taking off back to where we had all been before.

I laughed as I started moving my own feet to run with him. I could hear the footsteps of everyone as they ran with us, trying to make it back before we did.

 _I guess it's okay to have a little fun_ _before I go._

•~•

 ** _Yes, I'm aware that this was terrible but it was something. I'm not a good writer but it was at least decent._**

 ** _Anyways, I'd love some feedback. I appreciate constructive criticism, tell me what was good and what needs work. Help a sister out!_**


	5. Chapter 4

"Are they always like this?" I asked Victoria.

After our race back to our stuff (Jace and Christian tied by the way), Clary opened up a basket she'd brought filled with fruits and snacks. We all ate as we laughed and joked around for a little while. Once they were done, the guys went back to playing except Alec now joined them and Victoria sat with me.

She was really funny and great to hang out with. I've never really had a friend before so it feels good to have someone close to my age to talk to. She was only a few months younger than me so we were pretty much the same age.

"What do you mean?" She asked, giggling as Jace had a catfight with Rafael over the ball.

"Are they always just so... So great?" I clarify, looking at her. She turned to face me with a thoughtful expression on her face.

"Well, they're my family and I love them. To me, they're always great even if they can be pains in the butt sometimes." She answered. I nodded at this, but didn't say anything.

 _Is that what family is like? Always loving each other despite their flaws?_

"Hey, no more being depressed today!" Victoria scolded me, giving me a playful glare. I gave her a big smile to show I wasn't getting gloomy which she returned. "There we go! All smiles for the rest of the day!" She laughed and I did the same.

We heard a thud and looked back at the boys to see Rafael had gotten Max in a headlock and was giving him a noogie.

"Quit it, Rafe!" Max laughed as did everyone else at the show of brotherly affection.

"Not until you admit I'm cooler than you!" Rafael teased, smiling widely.

"Never!" Max challenged, trying to pry his brother off of him. Rafael just tightened his hold.

"Okay, okay, fine! You're cooler than me!" He said, Rafael let go of him then.

"Was that so hard?" He smiled. Max just play-glared at him and punched him in the arm. They both laughed and went back to playing. I laughed too, I seemed to be doing a lot of that today.

"Another question." I say and Victoria groans.

"More questions?" She pretended to fall out, flopping back onto the blanket dramatically.

"Yes, another one." I rolled my eyes even though I was still smiling. She nodded and gestured with her hand for me to ask.

"It's about this Shadow World thing. What is it like being a Shadowhunter?" I hadn't really thought about it since last night, but seeing Max change his skin to pretend he was human got me thinking about it again.

I had no clue about what this supposed Shadow World was like. Were there a lot of rules? What did I have to do?

"Well, I'm not allowed to go out on patrol yet. My mom wants me to wait until I'm 14 to start demon hunting. But I do know that there's a lot of training involved. There are some rules and stuff, but they've chilled out about it a little. I don't have all that much experience, but you should definitely ask my parents or Alec, Izzy, and Simon. I think Magnus knows a lot about their history and stuff too." Victoria explained.

That mostly answered my questions. I would have to remember to speak to Alec about it at home.

 _No, not home! It's only temporary!_

I cringed at the reminder, but otherwise said nothing.

"Sound okay, I guess. Alec told me I was a Shadowhunter, but he never told me much about it." I shrugged.

"I'm sure he'll start explaining soon. Then you won't be able to shut him up about rules and traditions and stuff." She snorted. "The only person who can make him calm down about that is Magnus."

We both turned to look back at Magnus, who was smiling at Alec lovingly from his spot on the blanket. Alec caught his eye and returned the smile with a slight blush.

Just that look of love in their eyes as they looked at each other told me how in love they were. I don't think I've ever seen two people more happy together in my life.

I looked over at Victoria who looked like she was having the same thoughts as I was.

"So you said something about training. Do you have to that all the time? What about time for friends and family?"

There was a painful tug at my heart when I said that but I ignored it. I was used to it by now anyways.

"I can't speak for everyone but we always make time for family. And that's also why we have parabatai." She said.

"What are parabatai?" I asked. That sounded like some sort of fancy, rich people food.

"It's kind of like a best friend, but a thousand times stronger. Parabatai are a pair of Shadowhunters who fight together as life-long partners and bound together by oath." She explained.

"I think I get it. Do you think that someday in the future we could ever be parabatai?" I asked before I could stop myself.

 _Why would you ask that? She probably already has one! And even if she doesn't she won't want you!_

"Um, I don't know. We don't really know each other that well yet so I can't say." She was trying to let me down gently, I could tell. Obviously, she would never want to be parabatai with me.

I nodded and gave her a fake smile that I had perfected over the years. One that said "I'm not at all bothered" even though I was. She smiled back and we went back to talking. Or really Victoria did. I just nodded along and pretended to listen, occasionally throwing in some words of my own to make her think I was paying attention.

The words kept swirling around in my mind, forcing me to remember every single detail of them.

•~•

Everyone was asleep. We had ended up spending nearly the whole day at the park, but then we all went out for dinner. I tried to ignore Victoria as much as I could without raising suspicions.

After eating, I came back to the house with Alec, Magnus, Max, and Rafael. They had watched a movie together and asked me if I wanted to join them, but I declined. Instead, I just sat in my temporary room by myself, remembering the conversation I had with Victoria.

I know Alec said I should talk about things like this and Rafael told me I could go to him when I need someone to listen, but I don't want that. I don't want to have to depend on them. What will I do when I leave? They won't be there to baby and take care of me. I have to be able to deal with this on my own.

When they finished their movie, they went to bed, all of them saying goodnight to me. I gave them that same smile I gave Victoria and they grinned back.

Once I was sure they were all sleeping, I crept out of my room and into the hallway. I was trying to be as silent as possible, so I wouldn't wake them up or if they were still up and came to check on me. It took a bit of time but I got the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me. I slumped against it and my back slid down.

The tears weren't there yet but I knew they were coming as my eyes got hot and I started blinking a lot. It was pathetic, I still felt hurt about what Victoria had said. My body felt numb as I sat there, not moving at all. The tears came silently, I didn't react to them. Just let them flow.

It had been a few minutes when I started looking around. I was pretty sure they had one. I mean, they were all guys and Rafael was most likely going through puberty so there should be at least one.

Finally, I saw it. It was resting on the side of the bathtub.

I grabbed the razor quickly, fumbling to take off the case. Once it was off, I pushed back the sleeve of my shirt. My breathing was heavy as I held it over my skin. I closed my eyes as I slid it across my wrist, sighing in relief as a trickle of blood seeped out. I could feel my stress and sorrows leaving with it.

I know I shouldn't be doing this and I'm aware it's not good for me, but I don't care. And nobody else does, so why stop?

I made several more slits on my arm with the razor, gradually calming down as blood poured out. I stood and cleaned the blood off of the razor, using a wet napkin to wipe some blood off of the floor. Once it was all clean, I put the case back on the razor and set it back where I had found it.

Looking down at what I had done to myself, I felt shame fill me. I'd started cutting myself when I was twelve after some girls I used to know at the school I had went to had seen me and began making comments about me. I had ran away from them and into an alley where I tripped. There was glass on the floor and it cut the skin on my leg. At first, it really hurt but then it started to make me feel better. Tentatively, I had picked up a piece of broken glass and slid it across my arm. I'd heard about cutting yourself before but I never thought it would actually help. Ever since then, I started cutting myself whenever things got to be way too much for me to handle.

 _What would Alec and Magnus say if they could see what you're doing?_

I shook my head at that.

 _Why should I care what they think? I don't care about them and they don't care about me. They just don't want to feel guilty about dumping me back_ _on the streets._

As these thoughts filled my head, I felt tempted to grab the razor again but I held myself back. There were already enough cuts to last me the night. If I made any more, they might notice and hide the razor from me. And I couldn't let that happen.

I pulled my sleeve back down as I tip-toed back to my room. The cuts stung as the shirt slid over them, but it was okay.

I didn't mind the pain.

•~•

 ** _I'm sorry this took a while. My mom took my phone and before that I was having a hard time thinking of what would happen next. I'm also sorry this update is so short but I felt no need to lengthen it out. I knew what I wanted to happen in this chapter and this was it. I didn't want to side track it with things that weren't important._**

 ** _And by the way, I don't support cutting yourself. If you or someone you know is harming them self, try to get them to stop. Talk to them, get them to open up. Don't let them hurt them self. And if you can't get them to talk to you, try to find some other way to help. I just don't want what's happening in this story to ever actually happen to anyone in real life. This is a terrible thing to do and needs to be addressed._**

 ** _Anyways, I hope you guys liked this chapter. Next one should be soon and I love you guys._**

 ** _Peace out Rainbow Trout!_**


	6. Chapter 5

I still couldn't get over just how soft this bed was. You could practically melt into this mattress and the blankets just encase me in warmth. There was no way I wouldn't miss this luxury.

Yawning, I sat up in my bed. I hissed in pain as I applied pressure to my left arm. I held it up and moved back the sleeve, the memories of last night returning as I saw the cuts.

 _Almost forgot about that..._

I pushed the sleeve back down and swung my legs over the side, not wanting to dwell on it any longer. I made sure to only use my right arm so the cuts wouldn't start bleeding again.

Before they went back to the Institute or whatever, Clary and Izzy left me some more clothes for me to wear. There were only like three outfits, but they said it would last me until I didn't need them.

 _Probably because they don't want me here so they're trying to get rid of me._

I shook the thought away and grabbed a purple shirt and some blue jeans, slipping them on before going to the bathroom and brushing my teeth and brushing my hair. Turns out, Izzy said hairbands look nice on me so she left a few here. And I had to admit, I really liked them. I picked a purple one and placed it in my hair as I left the bathroom and headed out to the living room.

Magnus and Alec were both up already and Magnus was dressed while Alec was still in his pajamas. They were both making something to eat for breakfast and didn't notice me yet.

"Good morning." I said as I strolled over to them and sat down in one of the chairs. The two looked away from what they were doing and smiled at me.

"Morning, Elizabeth." They chorused. "We're making eggs and toast. Want some?" Magnus asked, dividing what he had made into three portions and putting it into three plates while Alec finished buttering the toast.

"Sure." I smiled, Alec put two slices of toast on my plate and Magnus set it in front of me. "Thanks." I say, taking a bite of my eggs.

 _Oh my gosh, they're all amazing cooks!_ _It's not fair!_

Alec and Magnus grabbed their own plates and sat at the table, Alec immediately diving into his toast.

"Elizabeth, can you hand me the jelly. It's in the fridge." Magnus asked, I nodded and got up to grab it. I opened up the fridge and looked around before I saw the jar of grape jelly and grabbed it, heading back towards the table.

Just then, Rafael walked in, yawning with a sleepy looking Max behind him. He was rubbing his eyes as he stretched and yawned, both mumbling 'Good mornings' as they wandered into the kitchen.

"There's some more eggs on the stove if you want 'em." Alec said, pointing towards the pan. Max nodded and grabbed a plate for himself and his brother and serving himself. Rafael grabbed two slices of bread and popped them into the toaster.

"So what's the plan for today?" I ask all of them. I'm pretty sure they have things they need to do, I didn't want to get in the way.

"Well later on, I'm going on patrol with Izzy, Jace, Simon, and Clary and Rafael has training." Alec answered, I nod along and look to Magnus as Rafael groaned.

"I have a client today, but that won't be for another hour or so and after that I'll be working with Max on his magic." He said, Max smiling in excitement.

"That's cool. So do I stay at the house?" I ask them. They looked confused, as if they hadn't thought about that before.

 _Of course they didn't. Did you think that_ _they really cared about you?_

I winced slightly, but tried to cover it up with a slight cough. Rafael raised an eyebrow, but other than that there was no real reaction.

"If you want, you can go with me and Rafael to the Institute later. Until then, you can stay here with Max." Alec offered.

Me and Max both smiled at each other as he said this. I haven't gotten to know him much, but he seemed like a fun person to be around. "That sounds great." I answer, taking a bite out of my toast.

"Rafael, you're gonna have to get ready to go once you're done eating. We're leaving in twenty minutes." Alec said as he finished the last of his food, he stood and put his dish in the sink. Rafael muttered something back with food in his mouth and Alec walked back to his room to get dressed.

Magnus and I were done eating shortly after Alec had left and both put away our plates in the sink.

"When's your appointment, papa?" Max asked. Magnus seemed to think for a few seconds before answering. "In like an hour I think. What time is it?" He looked down at his incredibly expensive looking watch. "It's 7:47 right now and the appointment is at 9:00."

Rafael got up, taking his plate to the sink before walking off to get dressed. Max did the same but instead he head for the living room and sat on the couch, turning on the TV and flipping through channels.

Magnus was sipping at some coffee and walking out towards Max when he bumped into me, dropping the cup and spilling the coffee on me. The cup fell to the floor and shattered, pieces of it flying everywhere.

"Oh my gosh, you okay Elizabeth?" Max asked, leaping off the couch over towards me. The scalding drink was sizzling into my skin and it felt like lemon juice was stinging into my cuts. Instinctively, I held up my left arm, clutching it in pain with my eyes squeezed shut.

"What happened? Is everyone okay?" Alec asked, rushing out now dressed and Rafael who had only changed his shirt so far.

"It's okay, Alexander. It's only coffee." Magnus said though he looked concerned as well. My arm was in agony, the cuts stung as the drink seeped into them. I winced, holding it closer to myself and they noticed.

"Is your arm okay? Did some of the glass from the cup cut you?"

Once I heard the words 'cut you' I panicked, my eyes widening.

"No, no, no! I'm okay, it's fine. Just really, really hot coffee." I rambled frantically, letting go of my arm. Magnus' eyes narrowed in suspicion and they all looked at me like they didn't a believe a word I just said.

"But you were only worried about your arm." Rafael said slowly, regarding me with calculating eyes.

"I don't know! Maybe I got another scratch and I just found out about it!" That was a terrible excuse, but it was the best I could really do.

"Elizabeth, is something wrong with your arm?" Max sounded a bit scared as he asked me this, worry swimming in his deep blue eyes.

I shook my head furiously, not trusting myself to speak and say something stupid to make them more suspicious. I brought my arm back up and cradled it to my chest.

"Just tell us, Magnus can use a spell to lessen the pain for now." Alec said, rolling his blue eyes.

"It's okay, I can handle a little pain." My eyes widened as the words left my mouth. Why the hell would I say that? That sounded suspicious. I was hoping they wouldn't catch my mistake but when I looked at them, they looked like they were starting to put the pieces together.

"Let me see your arm." Magnus ordered calmly, crossing his arms as I held mine closer.

"Let me see your arm." He repeated, his voice still calm though I could tell he was irritated.

"No." I said defiantly, glaring at him.

 _Why does he care? It's just an arm!_

He sighed, rolling his eyes before reaching forward and grabbing my wrist. I protested sharply at this as he pushed back the sleeve.

"No! Stop it! Let go of me!" I cried out frantically, not wanting him to see. They all gasped as they looked at the sliced skin on my arm.

The cuts looked worse then I remembered them. Last night, they were only places where the skin had been torn open. Now they looked awful and made me feel terrible.

The waterworks were starting up before I could stop them. "Please, stop! Just leave me alone!" I pleaded, trying to yank my arm away.

They all looked up at me. But instead of looking disgusted, they looked terrified. No, not even terrified. They looked... I don't even know how to describe it. But I knew it probably wasn't good for me.

Magnus' hands went limp and I finally pulled my arm away from him, yanking the sleeve down, ignoring the pain.

"Elizabeth... What, why would you do this?" He finally seemed to have found his voice.

"It's none of your business! Just... Just drop it okay!" I was about to storm off, but Rafael reached forward and grabbed my right wrist, holding me back.

"Are those recent?" Alec asked softly. The unidentified emotion was still there in their eyes as they looked at me.

I didn't want to answer, but I'm pretty sure the way I looked down at the floor in shame told them what they wanted to know.

Why couldn't I be normal? Why do I have to be such a screw up and ruin everything?

"Why? Did we do something?" Max eyes were watery, but the tears weren't falling. I shook my head no, how could they think it was them?

"No, absolutely not! It's not your fault! You guys have been great! It's... It's me. I'm weak and I can't handle anything. This is my fault." I whispered the last part quietly, keeping my gaze down as more tears came.

Before I could detect the movement, they had me all encased in a hug. All of their arms were wrapped around me, like they were trying to protect me from anything that could harm me. They didn't say anything and neither did I, we all just stood silent. I stood there, motionless for a while before I finally melted into the hug, sobbing uncontrollably. They held me for a while, I'm not sure how long but they didn't let go of me. My sobs gradually became short hiccups and sniffles and they loosened their hold slightly, but not fully letting go of me.

"Can you tell us what happened?" Alec asked, his voice gently. I nodded slightly, my throat felt a bit sore from the sobs. I pulled back from them slightly and they let their arms fall as they backed away slightly to give me space.

I tried to ignore the longing for the hug to return, for them to not let go of me and keep me warm and safe.

"I-it was yesterday when we were at the park. I-I was talking to Victoria and she was telling me about Shadowhunter stuff. I asked her what parabatai were and she explained it to me. So I asked her if she thought we could ever have a bond like that." Now that I said it out loud, it sounded really stupid. It made a lot more sense last night in the bathroom.

"What did she say?" Alec said, looking worried.

"Nothing really. Just that she didn't know me that well and she wasn't sure." I mumbled, feeling ridiculous for overreacting.

"We need you to speak up, what did Victoria say?" Magnus urged me gently.

"She said she wasn't sure." I spoke louder this time, but I still felt embarrassed. What kind of person gets mad over something like that? She never even said no, just maybe.

They looked a little surprised and confused, but didn't comment their disbelief.

"And that's why you cut yourself?" Rafael asked, I frowned and nodded.

"I know it was stupid, but I couldn't help it. I just felt so bad and I didn't know what to do."

"But I told you that you could talk to me." Rafael told me, looking disappointed.

"I know, but I didn't want to. What happens when I leave, huh? You won't be there to treat me like a child whenever I start crying. I do not need your help!" I shouted, startling all of them.

"Elizabeth, calm down. We want to help and you shouldn't feel that way. Anytime you need something, you can immediately come to us." Magnus spoke calmly, but I knew he really wanted to scream. To yell out how stupid I was for doing this.

"Look, you ARE NOT MY PARENTS! So stop acting like it! I don't need you telling me what's right and what's wrong! Just keep your nose out of my business and leave me the hell alone!" The words kept spilling and I could see the hurt on their faces when I said it. But that didn't stop me, I had too much pent up aggression and anger to stop.

"I don't even understand why I'm here! I already know you guys don't honestly care about me so stop pretending that you do! I don't need or want any of your stupid pity so give it to someone who cares!" I snapped.

When I stopped yelling, I was breathing heavily. They didn't say anything for a while, none of us spoke a word.

The silence was making me uncomfortable, what were they thinking? What was going to happen now?

I felt bad for what I had said, they were obviously nice people who were trying to help me and all I do every time they try to be nice, I start screaming at them. I really am a terrible person.

 _Well now they surely won't want to be around you. You've ruined_ _ **EVERYTHING!**_

"I'm sorry." I said suddenly. They weren't expecting to say anything and especially not that. "You guys are only trying to help and I'm just pushing you away."

They smiled slightly, but I know that they weren't exactly happy yet. "It's okay. But seriously, the next time something like this happens, tell us. We don't want you doing this to yourself." Alec told me, scolding me slightly.

"Okay, I'll try." I promised. And I wasn't lying, I don't want them worrying about me so the least I could do was try. For them.

Their smiles got bigger and I grinned back. I knew I was starting to get way too deep and it was going to make me not want to leave, but in this moment, I really didn't care.

•~•

 ** _Sorry for this short chapter but the next update should be pretty long._**

 ** _I'll see you next time!_**


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